Wednesday, October 31, 2012

RIP Cyrus

My sweet boy Cyrus passed away Friday (Oct. 26th). 

Cyrus 12-24-00. Photo was taken by our neighbor when we got home.

I'm pretty sure it was from constipation.  It sounds so extremely stupid but for 2 1/2 days he showed signs of being constipated.  He was trying to throw up hairballs (which he couldn't form, his hair was too fine & short, so he had a major problem throwing up the loose hair "clusters" when he had hair build up).  All he ever did was sleep (his preferred spot was a wooden photo tray that laid on a table in my bedroom) so trying to figure out the difference between Cyrus being lazy and Cyrus being lethargic was near impossible.  

It had been a while since I'd bought the cats wet cat food and I think between the lack of oil (or whatever) in the wet food and the fact that I was gone for a week a couple weeks ago (the cats don't eat as well when I'm gone) he ended up getting blocked.  I didn't really notice how sick he was until he was pretty sick.  I wasn't able to get him to the vet but since he was gone in less than 3 days I'm not sure the vet could have helped even if I had gotten him in.  I tried several different remedies to help his stomach and was late getting home Friday night because I stopped at Petco to pick up some different medicine to help.


When I got home I found him right inside the door.  I knew right away he was gone but had to do the denial thing and all that.  To say I freaked out is an understatement.  I'm sure I gave all my neighbors a show.  I had dropped everything right where I was standing when I found him and as soon as I knew he was dead I ran outside and flipped the F out.  Unfortunately, my sister was out of town and Karie was unavailable for the night.  It felt like I called a million people before someone picked up the phone so I could talk to someone & try to calm down.  Luckily, Jessica answered her phone and after making out what could only have been said she was on her way over.  No questions asked.  Jessica, bless her heart, was a God send and helped me deal.  I spoke to Crystal when waiting for Jessica and she helped a lot as well.  

I text my sister what happened and she called my niece and had her & her husband stop by on their way home from the airport, so they could pick up Cyrus and take him to my brother-in-law to bury.  I was all kinds of freaked out & worried about what to do with his poor body since it was late on a Friday and the places I knew we could take him were closed.  I couldn't handle the thought of him just laying there or being stuck in my apartment in a box (DEAD) overnight.  Then I was all kinds of freaked out about where he would be buried because I didn't want coyotes to get him.  Rational thinking isn't my strong suit and even less so when emotionally traumatized & upset. 


I knew losing a cat was going to be hard but I didn't realize how hard it was going to be.  I think because it was Cyrus and not Parker.  Don't get me wrong, I will be destroyed and beyond distraught when Parker dies but I'm "prepared" for Parker's passing.  She's 18 years old and I've been talking myself into the possibility of her passing for a few years now.  Now that she's got what has to be cat dementia & Alzheimer's and is all boney and crotchety I know her time is coming.  I have a check list to insure that she doesn't get so bad that she is just in pain & miserable.  I will not let her get bad like that and I will take her in if necessary.  I've prepped myself for that.  But Cyrus wasn't old.  I mean, he was getting older since he was just shy of 12 years old (I would have had him 12 years on Christmas Eve), but aside from sleeping a lot (which he's always done) he wasn't showing any signs of aging.  He was a bit grumpier but most of that could be attributed to Remington and what a pain in the ass he is/was, especially to Cyrus.  I had not thought of him dying, that was something I was going to have to worry about after Parker passed on.

Cyrus has never really ever been sick.  The only vet visits he's had was the first few when we first got him for shots and when he was neutered & declawed.  He really was the best, no problem cat.  To have him pass before I could do anything is just hard to take.  I'm not sure I've ever felt so guilty in my life and I've felt plenty of guilt.  We have a joke how I should have been Catholic because of how guilty I always feel. 


That Friday morning, knowing how sick Cyrus was, I took extra time (I was already spending extra time with him because he was sick) and said goodbye to him.  I told him how much I loved him, how beautiful he was, how much I have enjoyed our life together, how sorry I was for his pain and how I missed noticing he wasn't feeling well before it got so bad.  I asked him to please be okay and to poop for me so I could stop torturing him with trying to give him medicine and begged him to drink and eat the stuff I'd gotten especially for him to help his stomach feel better.  I kissed him and pet him a lot and then left.  I always say goodbye to the cats when I leave, in case anything happens, but that was definitely a different goodbye.  I honestly didn't think it was going to be my last one with him.  I'm so glad I took that time, even though I was sure it was unnecessary.   I did spend some time with him and said goodbye to him before we had to "box" him up but it's so different saying goodbye to someone you know isn't there anymore.


I'm not really sure what Remington is thinking but he was freaked out for a few days.  I'm not sure if it was because he knew Cyrus was dead, or if my freak out got to him or if it was because so may people had been over he wasn't that used to.  Maybe it was a bit of all of it.  He has calmed back down and seems to be okay but I do think he misses Cyrus.  Sometimes when he hears something in a different room it seems like he's waiting for Cyrus or looking for him but maybe that's just me projecting.  Parker, on the other hand, doesn't seem to notice.  When I was waiting outside for Jessica I poked my head in to check on her & Remi since I just left them in there with Cyrus (irrational, I know....they'd been with him all day) and she was waiting by the door, when she saw me she gave me the "give me treats" meow.  That was all she seemed to care about after everything calmed down & everyone left.  I haven't seen her go around looking for him or anything.  Maybe she knows, maybe she doesn't.  It's so hard to tell with her since so much of the time she is definitely in her own world of just pet me & feed me treats.  

I've had multiple panic attacks in the middle of the night where I wake up, touch a cat and they don't respond so I freak out, only to find the assholes were just in deep sleep.  I have massive anxiety when I leave the house now.  I don't feel it when I get home, which I think is totally backwards, but it is what it is.  

2002 Sunbathing 

I think one of the things I'll miss most about Cyrus was he was the cat who got people to like cats (and especially him) who normally didn't like cats.  I'm not sure how he did it but he did.  He was just so dang cool and my home just isn't the same without him.

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