I have my mother's brown eyes

While going through the things my mother left with my sister (Georgie) when she moved out of state to Arkansas (25 years ago) we found a photo of my biological father & mother together.  This photo is the only one I have of my biological father.  If I remember correctly there was another one of just him but I have no idea what happened to it.  I probably told my sister to throw it away after I briefly glanced at it 10 or so years ago.  All I remember is he had what I thought of as a fro and I honestly didn't give a damn to know anything about him.

Photo's found...

Pics are of...
Me (6-9 months old ??) & my Bio Father and Mom (at my grandparents)
I'd like to point out that I have the shirt my mom is wearing is one I snagged as a keepsake when we visited while she was dying (1994?).

Georgie had to verify that that is, in fact, the man who is my biological father.   Aside from what one might call a fro there is nothing about him that I would recognise.

On closer inspection I guess you can say I recognise his chin because it is the same as mine.  At least, that is what my niece Elizabeth says.  If you look closer my mom's chin looks the same as his in the photo so who's to say that I don't have hers or a combo of both.  I don't currently have another photo of my mom to look at to verify what her chin looks like at the moment.  

I'm guessing since my mom is and always was a twig that my body shape & the way I carry my weight is a combo of my biological fathers and that of my (maternal) grandmothers (swear I have her feet & back fat...TMI, I know).

If his hair is naturally curly then that is where my curl comes from. 

I don't have his nose but I don't have my mom's either so I'm guessing it's a nice combo of both.

Other than that I don't see anything else I have in common with the man whose DNA I share.  That is all I think of him.  He is just a guy my mom slept with 34 years ago, so we share DNA.  He is not my father.  He is not my dad.  If I have to put a label on him it is simply my biological father. 

I've never felt any anger towards him for not being around (*at least that I remember).  I never had any hurt feelings either (*).  It just was what it was.  Maybe because I just have never cared, it's hard to be mad or hurt when you can't miss or be hurt by something you never had.  It could be as simple as any anger or hurt I had was all aimed at my mom.  She was what I knew.  She was what I missed.

Elizabeth asked (as has others) if I want to know more about my biological father or if I ever want to meet him.  I can still honestly say no, I don't.  Other than knowing biological family history I don't see the point.   

My sister made the comment that it's possible that my grandparents ran him off but I'm assuming he was around my mothers age (40) so he was a grown man.  Grown men don't get run off unless they don't really want to stick around. 

Two things I do find funny though...

I could have had blue eyes and my last name could have been Summers.  My mother didn't put my biological father on my birth certificate but on my baby announcements she had both of their names.  Odd but not surprising somehow.

Looking through my moms stuff made me realize more things I share with her.

Things like...
My brown hair
My brown eyes
My height

My addictive personality. Luckily I have always been aware of that possibility so I've stayed away from drugs (cigarettes and alcohol included).  Yes, I do drink but it's a very fickle relationship...if you can call it a relationship.  I'm an occasional drinker.  Her scrapbooks of Vic Demone & all things desert and cowboys was something I could totally relate to by just updating the content.  I think you could call my mom a collector and I am the same way.  Collector is such a nicer word than addicted.

My love of animals (cats, ducks & squirrels!).
My love of the desert.
My bad taste in men.

My love of turquoise and black onyx (stones/jewelry).  Until we went through her stuff while my sisters were down all the jewelry I (we) had from my (our) mom was silver turquoise Indian jewelry or black onyx jewelry.  All the stuff from when she was younger was gold.  It was a rather surprising find to me.

I am glad we found the photo of my parents because it tells me one more thing about the person my mom was.  It gives me a little glimpse into the relationship she had with my biological father, even if it is only proof that there was, in fact, a relationship.  Everything I've heard has been hearsay, guesses, opinions and bits of memories I can't trust as actual memories.

I've rambled more than I planned, reveled far more than intended but it feels good to finally get some of the thoughts (possibly feelings too) I've been carrying around since my sisters visit and shifting through our families mementos.

I have other stories, memories, feelings, or whatever I have running through my brain about my mom I think I want to share but I'm still working on figuring them out.