So I feel I need to get a little too personal; a little too TMI. While it's well known to those close to me it is not something I just throw out into cyberspace willy-nilly.
I am a bustier girl; voluptuous, I guess. I can't believe I'm about to say this but...
I'm 5'4";
Why you ask? Because I'm a 32GG bra. I know, I didn't know that size existed either until I had to buy it. Most stores, bra/lingerie brands don't know (or maybe care) either. It's impossible to find a bra at this point. Not even at Victoria Secret, Fredrick's, and any other cutesy lingerie store I can't think of at the moment because I can't shop there and never really have been able to.
Up until last year the only place I could find a store that carried bras big enough to fit me was at Nordstrom's. Then Dillard's joined in with selling the "bigger girl" bra brands & sizes. It seems like every time a store has a bra in "my" size I gain weight and go up a cup size. Which puts me right back to square one.
I've been a 32 band size since at least high school. Apparently, I don't really gain weight around my rib cage area. The only thing that has changed is I started out on the tightest hooks and now I'm at the last hooks. The larger the cup size the harder it is to find a bra that has a 32 inch band. If I were able to wear a 36 - 40 inch or larger band I'd have a lot more options. I know to most I sound like I'm complaining about something most woman would kill for but a) I am not most woman and b) if those women were in my position they'd have a different prospective as well, I think.
Not only can I not find lingerie and bras are near impossible to find, you can forget about finding a bathing suit. I can't remember the last time I actually had a bathing suit that fit. I've had a few that almost fit for about a half season but it's so not worth the amount of money to be able to wear a bathing suit a few times. This month I bought a one piece bathing suit from Target but to make it "work" I wear an old bra underneath it to insure nobody gets hurt. I haven't had a one piece that fit since Jr. High. It's not the best but it's at least a bathing suit and it looks rather okay.
I've always been terrified about what would happen should I get pregnant. I think I'd have to live in a moo-moo and use a wheel barrel as a bra...at least, until my belly got too big. Then I think I'd be SOL!
I've been told by people since I was about a 32DD that I should get a breast reduction. At the time I was about 110-120 LBS so my proportions were probably about the same difference as now. I have never had surgery, and aside from living the first month of my life in the hospital, I've never had any major problems. I am NO fan of needles and can get lightheaded even thinking too intently about them. I've almost passed out during a conversation about needles...no joke, it's the absolute truth! So needless to say, the thought of breast reduction surgery is not an easy one, not at all!
It's especially not an easy one after seeing one being done on some medical program. It was so traumatizing! It was about 13 years ago while I was engaged to my ex-husband; who loved medical stuff. I went to sleep after watching a show on the Animal Planet about a family of wild dogs. I hated those shows because they always named the damn animals and got you all personally invested in their lives & story and then they'd be killed. I'd cry, of course. The story of the wild dogs looked to have a happy ending, at least until right before the end credits rolled. Seems the whole ENTIRE pack of wild dogs were wiped out by drought & famine that next summer. So traumatized!! But that is a whole other rant and issue of mine.
Anyway, I woke up to the ex watching some medical show and he was all excited because I "needed to watch" this show. I was horrified at what I was seeing. Some plastic surgeon was in the middle of doing a breast reduction and was going all Muppet's Swedish Chef on some poor woman's breasts. He was totally slicing & dicing all willy-nilly because "It didn't matter" that part was no longer needed. Um...maybe not but it still deserved some respect. Something that was a little less horrific to see.
I'm almost positive I'd qualify for the surgery. I constantly have back/shoulder problems/pain. I have groove marks on the tops of my shoulders where my bra straps have left permanent marks. I swear for any weight I gain 90-95% of it goes to my chest. I'm afraid should I ever get pregnant and I have a breast reduction I wouldn't be able to breast feed. It was something else mentioned in the medical program from HELL.
A lot of my insecurities and self esteem 'problems' come from the attention my chest gets me. Most of which is totally unwanted and seemingly unavoidable. Its always been a joke that men talk to women's breasts but it is absolutely true. I learned a long time ago to speak up for myself and remind whoever where my face is. Although, to be fair not all men are guilty of this, other women have done it as well. People, strangers mostly, seem to think that since I'm so well endowed it's okay to ask me how big I am. I'm fully open to people I know but having just met someone does not entitle them to my bra size. Although, having told you all my size I sort of just blew that out of the water. Whatev.
So that's my story. My most biggest insecurity about myself. Why I originally felt the need to share this I no longer remember. Now I really don't know either except to get it off my chest (haha) so to speak.
If any of you reading this have had a breast reduction or know someone who has I'd appreciate an email letting me know of your experience, thoughts & feelings on the procedure. The more clothes I can't fit into the more I think about getting it done. Having to dive back into the dating world sure makes the want for smaller breasts a nicer option as well.
You know, I take that back...I do know why I'm posting this now. A couple back-handed compliments I received this week helped. As well, as a comment about a dress I was wearing making my chest look BIGGER. Um, I don't think it make my check look bigger...it just didn't camouflage it as well since it actually fit. Comments like that aren't appreciated. I know how big my chest is (actually better than most). I know how big it looks in what I wear. If I was worried about any of that I'd never leave the house because they will never look small or normal sized (whatever that is). They will look BIG in whatever I wear, no matter what I wear. (rant over, sorry)
2 comments:
I know two women who have had breast reduction surgery and they are thrilled with the results. They are pain free and they absolutely love the clothes that they can wear now (one keeps posting clothing pics on fb, lol!).
I have never had a problem in this area but my mom did. She's told me about feeling self conscious in school and wearing jackets and sweaters and holding her books in front of her. She said she would have had the surgery if they were doing it back in her day.
I think you look adorable in your outfits. I love the peach and olive. I recently paired olive with purple and I liked it (I can't wear peach).
Thank you so much for stopping by & saying hi! So far I haven't found anyone whose had the reduction surgery and not liked (loved) the results. That totally helps with the fear of thinking about doing it.
I did the same thing as your mom in high school. Lets just say HS was not a fun time. I wish I had the confidence I have now way back then. Your poor mom, hopefully it didn't take her too long to be confident with her body.
I never thought I could wear peach but if the shade is dark enough I think it works for me. I did wear the olive sweater with the purple tank in the post and I loved the combo. I think olive compliments a lot of colors.
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