Moonlight Kiss

It's only taken me 5 months but after winning a $75 Gift Card to Shabby Apple from Talk2TheTrees (back in August! can you believe I held out that long) I finally ordered my Shabby Apple dress.

I really thought I'd have an easier time picking the perfect dress from Shabby Apple.  They have so many pretty dresses it's hard to pick just one dress.  Then you add in my busty disposition and it makes the decision a lot harder than it really should be.

Their last collection Joyful came out not that long ago but they just added a few more color options to some of the dresses I've been looking at.  Having a purple option made my decision a bit of a no brainer.

I don't think there is any difference between the Class Ring dress

Class Ring - Olive Green

and the Moonlight Kiss dress.

Moonlight Kiss - Grey

But the purple is definitely my favorite of the three.

Moonlight Kiss - Purple

Though I was pretty close to picking the Class Ring dress since I really like the olive green color but I decided I had everything I needed to style up the purple so I went with that one.  As I type this I am having a bit of buyers remorse and wishing I'd picked the olive green color.  Oh, well.  

Moonlight Kiss is $85 and because it's my birthday month Shabby Apple sent me an email with a $10 Shabby Apple Dollars code (it actually pays to join email lists!).  So with the $75 GC I won I only paid the $8.95 for shipping.  Pretty sweet, right?!

Now lets hope & pray that the dress fits perfectly so it really is the perfect dress.

Proof possitive there is such a thing as good karma

As a part of Crowdtap you earn points towards gift cards & charity donations.  In 2012 I used some of my points to donate towards Autism Speaks & The American Red Cross.  And then in August I found they supported TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms).  Since changing my main charity to TWLOHA I ended up donating  70,000 pts ($35 donation) to them. 

I will continue to support TWLOHA as my main charity this year as well.  That does not mean I will not donate to another charity when the desire or need see's fit but TWLOHA is where my heart currently lies.  

I am donating ALL the points I earn for Crowdtap this month to TWLOHA.  I am doing this in honor of my dear friend, Nathan Wert, who forgot depression lies and took his own life a year ago this month.  

Normally, I'd have gone the selfish route, being my birthday month and all, and donated all the points to myself and to buying myself something nice from Amazon.  I'm sure had I gone this route I wouldn't have passed the mile markers I have or completed all the goals I have completed this month already.

I cleaned out my Crowdtap points January 2nd, donated them all to TWLOHA, and counted all the points I had then towards my 2012 count of what was donated to TWLOHA.  It was too hard to decipher what was earned in what year so I just grouped it all together and started 2013 after that.  To make it easier and to take away the temptation of turning all my lovely points into an Amazon Gift Card I have been donating my points the moment I can, which is at 10,000 points ($5 donation).

Since that January 2nd donation I have donated another 60,000 points ($30 donation).  I've basically been able to donate twice a week.  And it's only the 15th, which means the month is only half over and I've donate almost the same amount, IN HALF A MONTH, that I did in over 4 months last year.  That is insane!   I can't wait until the end of the month when I can update on the full amount I've been able to donate.

In 2012 I used 250,000 points total.  160,000 pts ($90) went to  Amazon Gift Cards.  20,000 pts went to other charities ($5 Autism Speaks & $5 American Red Cross).  And the 70,000 pts ($35 donation) that went to TWLOHA.  


To donate directly to TWLOHA:
https://www.stayclassy.org/checkout/donation?pid=8520&cid=7304

To join Crowdtap: http://bit.ly/gSdxF0


ETA: This post was supposed to post on the 15th but for some reason it didn't (operator error... most probably) .  

Welcoming 2013... or not.

While my goal list for 2012 wasn't an epic fail, one cannot call it a huge success either.  I figured as 2012 ended and 2013 began I'd be full of excitement, hope and resolve and while I did feel all of those things I wasn't overwhelmed by it all.  More than anything I was just extremely grateful that 2012 had finally come to an end.  So far all I've felt for 2013 is... dread.  Maybe that's what I feel, maybe it's not but it is the word that came to mind.  I'm not 100% sure what "it" is exactly but if you asked me how I felt about 2013 all you'd get is an unceremonious "meh".  

While it is a new year, it is still marked by Nathan's passing.  Side note: Can we agree that passing is a dumb term.  Unfortunately, it's the most polite word I can come think of.  Anyway... Friday, the 18th marks the 1 year anniversary of his suicide and it is tainting things more than I thought it would.  Normally I am excited for January.  It is my birthday month, after all, but this year I don't necessarily feel like it is MY month.  Not with the 18th looming all big and rudely right after my birthday on the 17th.  It sort of takes all the fun out of it all.  

I do suppose after this year it will be a bit easier, the taking back of my birthday and my birth month.  I will always share it with Nathan and this unfortunate event but I'm guessing it won't always be so hard.  The first anniversary of anything is always a big deal.  After that it just sort of because a "normal" thing, I guess.   Mind you, I don't object sharing my birth month, week, whatever with Nathan but I do mind the fact of why we now share it.  Sadly, no matter my objection, the reasoning for it cannot be changed so I just have to find a way to accept it and find a new way of looking at it all.

I honestly didn't start this entry with Nathan and his suicide in mind.  I had more or less planned on talking about my reasoning for not  having any resolutions this year or making a list of goals this time around.  Somehow it's snowballed and I have lost the structure I was aiming for.  Anyone ever wondering why I don't update as much as I used to or in general... this is why.  It's a big ol' rambling mess up in my brain and it is getting harder and harder to figure it all out enough to articulate it onto here, or anywhere else for that matter.  Journaling has not been my strong suit in 2012.  My personal journal is sadly bare of most happenings of 2012 and there are a few things that really needed to be written about.

Back to my original point.  I decided to not make any resolutions or goals for this year.  Really, what is the point?  All we ever do is forget about them, half ass them, or become bored and quit.  More so than not only a few months into the new year.  The best resolution, and the only one infallible is making the resolution to NOT make a resolution.  That, my friends, seems to be fail proof.  Which of us who has ever made the resolution to NOT make a resolution has failed and been all resolutiony the rest of the year?!  Yeah, that's what I thought, thank you for backing up my point.

I thought about just making a general resolution, something like "To live bravely" but ultimately decided against that.  I feel I managed a bit of that statement last year but having lived almost a full 35 years on this Earth, I've come to realize that there is always fear.  No matter how brave we become or are, we always have some small amount of fear.  It doesn't always stop us but it is there and it does affect how daring we are as we live out our own definition of bravely.  I know I didn't say "to live without fear" but to be brave you have to silence the fear you hear and so it's not just about being brave to me anymore; it becomes about being brave and silencing fear and that just seems like too much of a specific resolution and no longer makes it a general resolution.  

Yes, this is what my brain is like all day, every day, 365 days a year.  Welcome.  Yeah, I don't blame you for not wanting to grab some popcorn & pulling up a comfy chair.  

Really, it's not all doom and gloom over here but it does seem to be spewing all over this post right now.  Sorry to be a bit of a downer.  

My goal for 2013 is to survive it, and to hopefully do it with some sanity intact.  I don't see that as a resolution because it is something that has to be done.  I don't know how else to explain it but it just doesn't seem like a good candidate for being a proper New Years Resolution.

I dread the fast approaching month of March.  There are many things crowding up the calender for March, most of which are happy, joyful events.  I will welcome a new great nephew and I will see two people I care about get married.  But clouding the month of March is the fact that (as of today's date) it is still the month in which at the end of it Irish goes back to Ireland.  Depending on how things go and how hectic they get at the end those happy March happenings may not be something I get to fully share with Irish.  That seriously makes me sad.  That cloud has always been looming over but back on the warm summer night after Irish and I first met it just didn't seem so dark.  

So with January now being what it is and March/April being what it will be I find it hard to happily looking forward to 2013.  I will admit that even with the first 3 or 4 months of 2013 looking gloomy they are far brighter and better than those beginning months of 2012 and I am delighted by that fact.  I am.  Really, I am but I would love to not have a "but" at the end of that and I guess that is where I am getting suck.  

2012 Top 25 Most Played iTunes

Last year I became reconnected with my iTunes (don't know how I lived before without my iPhone) so I shared my 2011 Top 25 Most Played iTunes, and figured I'd keep doing it.  

My iTunes 25 Most Played List of 2012:

No.           Name                Artist                 Album          * also 2011                                            

1. We Used to Be Friends - The Dandy Warhols - Welcome to the Monkey House

2. Some Nights (Intro) - Fun. - Some Nights

3. Some Nights - Fun. - Some Nights

4. Last Straw, AZ [Live From Orlando] - Jack's Mannequin - The Glass Passenger [Delux Version]

5. Konstantine - Something Corporate - Played in Space: The Best of *1

6. Find A Way - SafetySuit - Life Left To Go *12

7. Dear Jack - Jack's Mannequin - The Dear Jack EP *2

8. Diane, The Skyscraper - Jack's Mannequin - The Dear Jack EP *3

9. One Foot - Fun. - Some Nights

10. Amy, I - Jack's Mannequin - People and Things [B Sides] *6

11. One More Night - Maroon 5 - Overexposed

12. I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz - Love Is a Four Letter Word

13. Heart's a Mess - Gotye - Like Drawing Blood

14. Carry On - Fun. - Some Nights

15. Casting Lines - Jack's Mannequin - People and Things

16. Broken Bird (Bonus Track) - Jack's Mannequin - People and Things [Delux Version]

17. Let the Sparks Fly - Thousand Foot Krutch - The End Is Where We Begin

18. Meet Me On The Equinox - Death Cab For Cutie - The Twilight Saga: New Moon Soundtrack *18

19. My Oh My - Tristan Prettyman - My Oh My [Single]

20. The Woman I Love - Jason Mraz - Love Is a Four Letter Word

21. The Only Way - Gotye - Like Drawing Blood

22. There, There Katie - Jack's Mannequin - The Dear Jack EP *8

23. Dancing With a Gun (Bonus Track) - Jack's Mannequin - People and Things [Delux Version]

24. Restless Dream - Jack's Mannequin - People and Things

25. Oxford Comma - Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend *15

Most of the songs listed aren't a surprise.  At times this year it felt like the only thing keeping me going was listing to some of the songs listed.  I am a bit surprised at where some of the songs landed on the list though.