Currently on repeat

Currently on repeat...

 Nicest Thing ~ Kate Nash

"Basically, I wish that you loved me

I wish that you needed me

I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something"

Merry Happy ~ Kate Nash

"Can't take back those hours

But I won't regret

'Cause you can grow flowers

From where dirt used to be

Dancing at discos

Eating cheese on toast

Yeah you make me merry make me very very happy

But you obviously, you didn't want to stick around

So I learnt from you 

Do do do da do do do do do da do do do do do da do

So I learnt from you 

Do do do da do do do do do da do do do do do da do"

Thursday Latelies #2

Hopefully I will be able to actually link up this with 

Bex: A Style Diary 

but my computer access will be limited

(if any at all)

so lets hope

but not hold our breathes.

Thursday Latelies...
 

Edits/notes:

* So sorry I didn't notice that Remington was inappropriately cleaning himself in the background.  I stopped one take because I noticed Cyrus doing the same thing.  Everyone wants to be a star. See what happens when you let your guard down. 

* I always pictured Pleasant Grove, UT as a Pleasantville type place back before it BLEW UP with development.  I'm guessing that's where I got Pleasantville from.  I've never made that slip before.  Go figure I'd do it on camera.

Links:

The blog I found the heatless curls tip(s):

Angel Face Designs

The video she found & the tutorial I (we) watched:

The Lipstick Diaries on YouYube

Rod Works

Okay, here are some photos prior to this video shoot...

What my hair looked like prior to taking it out of the heatless curl updo...

Hair flow: Pretty Little Lion Design

See I can totally rock this hairdo on the 12 hour car ride to UT. 

I won't be seeing anyone I know so

the horror that will be my hair won't matter.

I hope.

*Pray's*:

Please don't let this be the time I run into

Ryan Reynolds.

Don't have a tripod...

Make one of your own.

~I'm not ghetto...I'm inventive.~

Then hope that the cats don't decide to check it out

as it is not that stable & bad things happen.

Like toppled camera's.

And books on toes.

And flipped out kitties.

Fill in the Blank #4

It seems like I just did a Fill in the Blank.  This week went by fast thanks to Memorial Day.  Than again, in many ways this week went by pretty dang slow.  Either way I am soooo happy it's Friday!  I need to get out from behind my work desk.  You know, because working 4 days two weeks in a row is hard business. 

I don't have a whole bunch of awesome plans planned but I'm looking foward to being able to clean my apartment and spend time with the cats.  Sunday's plans are sort of awesome.  I'm meeting up with my friend Crystal and her family.  It's weird to say "my friend".  She is totally my friend but I've always just referred to her as Will's Sister-In-Law.  My friend makes more sence now.  Anyway, they're coming over to go swimming & have dinner.  Also, so I can see their girls.  I totally miss them so much!  Plus, Bug has been wanting to see my kitten.  I don't know if she's going to be all that happy that my kitten is now 10 lbs of almost full cat size fun.

Okay, enough rambeling on with the fun...

{photo by Teri Lyn Fisher  photographer and blogger for Fish Food blog}

Linking at The Little Things We Do



1. I love  my best friend, Karie because  she is always there for me, no matter what.  She tells it to me straight… she tells me when I’m right, she tells me when I’m wrong and she tells me when I’m being an idiot.  She celebrates with me & is sad with me. She is jus awesome! 

2.  A time that mama knew best was  when she gave me to my grandparents when I was 6 to raise.

3. My first kiss went a little like this  I was 16 and we had been dating for a while.  We were sitting outside talking in his car after our date.  He leaned over to kiss me and I burst into uncontrolable laughter.  I appologized profusely and we tried it again.  Again I burst into laughter.  Finally I just leaned over, kissed him and jumped out of the car and ran to the door.  Sadly, not much has changed since then in my romantic smoothness.

4. My celebrity crush is sort of a long list.  Currently, my two majors are Zachery LeviI and Ryan Reynolds.  Oh, and Paul Walker. I, also, have the major HOTTS for Jensen Ackles & Ben Affleck but I try not to lust after married men.

5. My splurge of choice is the make-up and face products I use. I don’t go crazy or anything but I could use cheaper & easier to get products.  I use BareMinerals make-up and Avon for all my face products (face wash, moisturizer, eye cream, dermabrasion & retexturizing peel).

6. My biggest accomplishment is lately I haven’t really felt like I’ve had any accomplishments. Calling Pitty Party of One, I know but it’s not really like that.  Too much.

7. My dance jam of choice is  usually something from the Black Eyed Peas but most of the time anything that’s got a beat to it when I’m in the mood to shake it works.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

When a heart breaks no it don't break even...

Excuse me while I get all melodramatic up in here.  Maybe even a bit emo...

"They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even even... no"
~ Breakeven by The Script

As the day's go by some things get better but at the same time some things are getting worse. 

I walk around with a heavy heart...sad all the time.  Some days it's easy to hide; while other days, like today,  it's not.

I want you to be happy but it's hard watching you be happy without me.

I want you to love & be loved but it's hard not having you love me & being the one to love you.

I may (jokingly) dream of dating Zachary Levi, Paul Walker & Ryan Reynolds but that doesn't mean I don't wish at times that I was still dating you.

It's amazing I actually miss the annoying voices of all the fishing guys on the fishing shows you watched when I wasn't actively watching TV with you.

I miss your voice & the OBNOXIOUS laugh you are so famous for.

I miss the best friend and confidant you became over the past two years.

Knowing we may be are both better off apart, especially in the long run, doesn't make it any easier.  Especially, not when it is the most common standard condolence saying I hear. 

Off Kilter

I've felt a little off my game lately.  I know my break-up has a lot to do with it.  Its hard to concentrate when my emotions feel like they're on a roller coaster. 

I, also, haven't taken my day allergy medication (Allegra) for about a week so my head feels totally foggy.  Last night was the first time (in at least a year) I have not taken my night time allergy medication (Singular) and I am a mess today. 

Between my upcoming vacation next week (Disneyland, Baby!), repairs on my car, and becoming a single income household I have been low on funds and trying to cut corners on spending.  Apparently, my allergy medication isn't one corner I should cut. At least, not the Singular.  I know it's a medicine for asthma but my doctor prescribed it because of what the allergies do to my nose.  The nasal cavities (?) swell up & get extremely inflamed and it is so not good.  The Singular keeps the inflammation down so my nose doesn't itch insanely and I don't get as much nose bleeds.  I can handle not being on the Allegra, I'm miserable but it's the kind I can manage, at least on some most days.  The level of miserableness I'm in when not on the Singular is so not something I can deal with.  Guess I'll have to renew my prescription & spend the $40 for it.  I've resented spending $100 on allergy medication each month.  Luckily, Allegra is over the counter now but spending $65 a month (for both) when I could use the money elsewhere still stings a bit. 

Anyway, I just haven't had the inspiration to write lately.  I've entered a few giveaways but haven't felt like posting about them.  A few of the weekly features I do from other blogs didn't happen last week (for various reasons) so I couldn't even fall back on them.  The ones that did still happen I just didn't have the energy to do (like the Shine Project).

I guess it's a good thing I don't have a large following.  No one will notice but I still feel bad about it.  My personal goal is to post a (real) post daily (save the weekends when it's harder to post).   I don't see that happening this week but we'll see.  I'll do my best but I don't want to post just to post. 

I have a few things to share but I don't have the words to do a full & entertaining job of it.

-- Since the break-up I've lost 10 lbs.  I'm hoping to keep them off and keep the weight rolling off.  In a healthy way from here on out.  I can't keep up the stress filled break-up diet forever.  I'm trying to make wiser choices in what I shove in my mouth.  I'm trying to eat half of what I was eating before (to the tune of feeling awful after shoving my face TOO full).  I've done a good job at not snacking & eating when I get bored.  I think that in its self will be a great lbs keeper offer.

-- I got my car fixed yesterday and she's running like a champ now.  *KNOCKS ON WOOD*  I just have to get my timing belt fixed before it breaks *DOUBLE KNOCKS ON WOOD*  If I can come up with the funds I can take the a/c compressor (?) from my nephew's dead car (the engine blew so he's donating it) and put it in mine and I should have actual A/C in my car.  I kind of want to sell my right kidney so I can get this done before it hits triple digit temps.  I should only have to pay for labor and some parts so it should be a lot cheaper than putting one in new but I have to get an actual quote.  I, also, need to check with my nephew and grill him on how well his A/C worked before his car died. 

-- As I sort of mentioned above I'll be going on vacation next week to DISNEYLAND.  We leave Thursday morning and get back Monday night.  Two of my favorite people will be getting married and I'll get some family & friend time in the process.  The we = my BFF & her side of the family.  I can't say her family because they are my family too (just without the blood or legal ties).

--  Speaking of family...I just requested the time off so I can go to my family reunion in July.  It'll be June 29th to July 5th.  We'll be low key this year by "camping" in my sisters backyard (in Utah).  I don't know how much camping will actually be done but good times will be had.  I don't know who'll actually be going this year either.  I do know all my siblings will be there and that's sort of all that matters to me.  I would love to see more but having all my sibs together doesn't happen enough. 

Getting To Know You...er, Me!

I'm finally joining Mannland5 for her Getting To Know YOU linky party.  I'ts a Sunday thing but seeing as Sunday's are a bit impossible for me to post on I will be the fashionably late one and post on Monday's.  Such a rebel, I know. 

Just in case you aren't sick of THE WEDDING then here are some of my answers in honor of the Royal WEDDING that took place on Friday...



Mannland5

 1. Did you watch the royal wedding?

No, but I did end up watching coverage on Inside Edition on Saturday.  I hate that show but I was bored & got hooked.  Then I continued to get sucked in when ET came on and was also dedicated to THE WEDDING.  So while I didn’t watch THE WEDDING I watched enough that I basically watched THE WEDDING.

2. Tea and crumpets or coffee and a scone?

You know, I’ve never had crumpets or scones so I have no idea on those two.  As for tea or coffee…if we’re going hot then I’ll go with coffee.  I’m not a huge fan of hot…or cold…coffee and while I love tea, I am only a fan of iced tea.  Seems I wouldn’t make a very good English lass.

3. Who's cuter..Prince William or Prince Harry?

I was always a Prince William fan but within the last couple years Prince Harry has certainly gown into his own.  Prince Harry definitely wins in the better head of hair contest. 

4. Can you speak in a English accent?

No, I cannot speak in a English accent or any other accent for that matter.  When I get really mad at my co-worker and get worked up in doing an impersonation I can sometimes pull of a Greek accent but that’s about it.  People who talk with English accents always sound so polite, I love it.

5. Do you own a fancy hat?

In regards to the English style fancy hats... no, I own no hats even remotely close to fancy.  Considering I have never been a hat girl until recent years, and even then nothing outside of a baseball hat, I feel like I have some pretty fancy hats now…

Me & my sister, Sherri.

6. Would you rather live in a castle or an English cottage?

The first thing that came to mind was the English cottage Kate Winslet owned & Cameron Diaz rented in the movie 'The Holiday' and I LOVED that cottage.  When I think of castles I think of great & beautiful structures but they seem so cold.  English cottages seem so warm & quaint.  I’ll take warm & quaint over mammoth beauty & coldness.

7. How old were you when Prince Charles and Princess Diana got married?  Were you even born?

I believed I heard they were married in 1981 so I was 3 years old.  Until Prince William & Kate’s wedding it was the most talked about wedding, that I can remember.  I doubt I watched it while it was happening but it feels like I did.

8. Have you found your prince?

No, as I was just shoved out of Coupledom last week and was unceremoniously dumped into Singlesville again I apparently have not found my prince.  Contrary to popular Disney lore kissing frogs does not lead one to finding their prince.  Not that my (last) ex is a frog.  If anything, he’d be a fish but that doesn’t sound right.  I say fish only because he is OBSESSED with fishing…but that’s another story.

Excuse me while I complain & have an internal debate with myself

This has not been an easy week.  Some of the reasons why have been documented here and others have not.  I really don't want this to turn into a whinny blog but I do post what is on my mind. 

Yesterday I posted this on FB...

 Yesterday at 8:16am · KerriF
What else?! My car is demanding that I fix it ASAP! And I think one of the cats (Remi??) has bloody diarrhea...gross, I know (I had to clean it up).

The cat situation is still up in the air.  I haven't had any more clean ups so I have no idea if there is still a problem or if there ever was one.  I'm monitoring the litter box as best I can and watching the cats for signs of not feeling well.  I don't know what else to do.  I don't have the funds to be an over cautious parent and take everyone in for a check up.

My car, however, is still demanding that I fix it ASAP!  All week all I've done is pray while driving.  My car acts like it'll stall at any moment, especially when I'm accelerating.  I've known for a while that my car needed to have work done.  I've been trying to limp it along until I could save up some more money and find someone who would fix it below shop prices. 

Now that I've done that I need to figure out if I can actually afford fixing my car and still be able to go to Disneyland next month for one of my BFF's weddings to my other BFF's brother (who is in turn my "adopted" family).  Considering the wedding is for family I feel it's super important to go.  Plus, I don't get to go on vacations very often.  And it's DISNEYLAND!  I was basically gifted money for the 3 Day Park Hopper admission into Disneyland (in Disney GC's) so all I have to pay for is hotel (1/2) and food (I don't eat much, especially now).  I'm driving up (also staying with) my BFF & family so gas isn't a big deal either.  See I've got really good excuses to GO to Disneyland.  I can talk myself into anything I REALLY want to do.  It's a gift!

So with 'the break-up" changing my duel income living situation into a single income living situation my monthly funds are a bit stretched to the limit.  At least, for the next month since there are stupid apartment complex rules like '30 day notices' and stuff.  Even if it's only for a stupid garage/storage unit.  I even get to re-qualify for my apartment, even though I qualified for it BY MYSELF prior to Will moving in & adding his name.  Sorry, it's a sore subject...that is another story, one that I will not mention in length.  Anyway, coming up with the money to fix my car AND to go to Disneyland next month will pretty much eat up my savings. 

I guess I'm just complaining.  I know it.  And, again, I'm sorry for it but I need an outlet and lucky for you THIS is it.  The cats, while good listeners good at hearing the words you say to them, aren't great at giving the feedback.  

I have a quote from a friend ("of a friend") of $350.00 to fix the spark plugs on my car.  I was quoted from a shop (non-dealer) of $592.00 so that's a pretty good difference.  The only better option I heard is one that isn't really an option anymore because of the break-up.  We never really finished talking about that option so I have no idea the end results but it was basically just paying for parts. 

According to the quote I got from the shop parts go like this...
Plugs $120.00
Wires $137.00
Intake Manifest Gasket $15.00
Total $272.00
(The mark up with labor is horrendous, isn't it?!)

I may, also, need:
Cylinder 6 Coil Pack $360
Both the shop & the friend aren't sure I actually need this so it's not in the $350.00 price.  It's a we'll worry about it when we need to kind of thing. 

And if you are keeping track adding the coil pack to the shop quote we're up to $1038.00 with parts & labor now.

Oh, and it was suggested that I replace my Timing Belt $485.00 total (shop). 

Which, per the shop, brings my grand total to $1,517.00

See why I ignored the suggestions and limped along for as long as I have?!  My car isn't even worth the $350.00 it looks like I'll be paying to fix it.  Having a working car is worth $350.00 though, right??  Yes, I guess it is, considering I don't live in a cute little quaint town.  I living in a sprawling suburbia.  I work in two different cities.  The public transit options are nowhere near where I live...or work.  Carpooling is out of the question too. 

Okay, see how I did that.  I just talked myself into liking the price of $350.00 for repairs.  Luckily, I haven't had much of an appetite lately because after paying for my car I won't have much in the way of grocery money.  At least, not this month. 

Oh, and I won't even get into my upcoming family reunion over the July 4th weekend.  It's up in Utah and while I won't need to have money for a place to stay I will need a way to get there.  Did you hear that?  I'm pretty sure it was the ring of a cash register.  But, again, that is another story and worry for another day.

Still at a loss

You know how they say that at about day 3 it's the hardest and/or most painful.  It's true.  I know most of the time when you hear those type of words it's in referral to working out or an injury or whatnot.  It, also, seems to refer to heartache as well.  So far today has been the hardest. 

I've been struggling since leaving for work this morning to not lose it.  I've been totally sick to my stomach and have been since before getting out of bed.  Well, in truth, I've been sick to my stomach since the shit started hitting the fan Friday night.  The severity of it comes and goes and so far today is one of those days I'm just praying that I don't ralph all over my desk. 

Yesterday I held it together until on the way home and then the sadness hit HARD.  By the time I got off the phone with Will I had a total melt down in the kitchen.  Since Parker & Cyrus have been through this MANY times before they seem to understand.  Remington, on the other hand, has no clue what is going on when I cry and starts acting all weird.  He's half intrigued by me & half scared to death.  He doesn't get that all I need is a big furry hug so he's very standoffish when I try for one when he crawls into my lap to investigate. 

Saturday I was a mess after it happened & for a while after but once I made up my mind to pull myself together and go to my BFF's family Easter dinner I was "fine".  I may have been in a state of shock since then, maybe it's starting to wear off.


I don't think it helped that Will was calling last night to let me know he moved his stuff out of our storage & to see if today would be a good day to talk about the things that we still need to settle.  Maybe that's why I'm in such a state today.  Tonight will not be fun.  It will be painful.  It will be sad.  It will no doubt be hard. 

Last night I made a list of things we have to go over and it seems small considering we were together for 2 years and lived together for over a year.  Then, at the same time, it seems like a long list.  It's the longest list I've made (mentally or physically) after a break up... unless you count my divorce but I'm not, so you shouldn't either.

I haven't really slept since the 2 hour nap I took Friday night after work.  Since then it's been dosing off spells and restless bouts of sleep.  I don't see that changing anytime soon. 

We're trying to work it out that Will gets his most of his stuff tonight before I get home and he'll help me move my stuff out of storage back into the apartment tomorrow night since it won't fit in my car.  Hopefully, between tonight and tomorrow we can get things worked out and...finished, I guess. 

The conversation we're going to have tonight isn't one I want to have over the phone but it's the way it's going to work out.  I can't leave it another night, there's too much uncertainty & worry to carry another 24 hours.

Guess this makes my Giving Key message a little bit closer to home...

My Giving Key message can be seen here.

We'll see how far I get writing this.  I'm a 'rip the band aide off fast' kinda girl (at least most of the time).  Although, just because I rip the band aide off quickly doesn't mean I want to talk about it afterwards.  Though there are times when something needs to be said and I guess this is one of those times.  And by said I mean write.  Written words are so much easier than those we say.  So I'll say write as much as I can stand and then I'll swallow the sickness feeling in my throat & stomach and clam back up. 

Will and I broke up yesterday morning.  Yep, Happy Easter to me! 

If I'm honest I'd have to admit it was a long time coming.  In keeping with being honest knowing & admitting that didn't make it hurt any less.  It still hurt(s) like a bastard.  I wanted it to work so badly but wishing & wanting doesn't make things work or fit together when they just don't work or fit together.  I still have a hard time understanding why two people who love each other can't make something work.  No matter how many times I see two people who love each other fall apart, I still don't get it.

Maybe that in itself is part of the reason I am 33 and essentially starting my life over again.  And I'm pretty sure it'll be a life of being the crazy cat woman but that's another story.

No matter how much I know breaking up was the best for the both of us I am still...
mad
sad
confused
hurt
and sick over it
If you can think of any other word that would fit right in up there, you can add it too.  I just can't think of any more at this moment.

I logged onto the computer this morning and one of the first things I did was change my Facebook status to SINGLE.  Such a simple word can be so ugly sometimes.  Why it mattered I don't know but it did.  

Just like taking the 'Kerri hearts Will' decal off the living room wall mattered before I left the house yesterday. 

Or taking down/removing the photo's of us that I'd see each time I'd walk into a room. 

I think these things mattered because they would just sit there and mock me otherwise.  I don't know how to explain it otherwise.  They were like a big bright & shiny neon middle finger saying *F*U* to all my hopes, dreams and feelings.

We still have things to discuss regarding the apartment (and Remington??) & the removal of his things so the upheaval will continue for a while. 

I'm trying to not think of the other relationships that will change because of this break up.  The thought just adds to all the feelings listed above.  No matter anyones intentions my relationship with them WILL change.  One way or another.  Just for the simple fact that Will and I are no longer together, no longer spending our time together, that changes the dynamic of any other relationship I had because of him.  

It's too much to continue to think about right now.  It's probably more than I planned on saying but purging will do that.  I'm not going to sensor myself because in doing so will bottle all this up more, which is just an emotional time bomb waiting to go off.