Guess this makes my Giving Key message a little bit closer to home...

My Giving Key message can be seen here.

We'll see how far I get writing this.  I'm a 'rip the band aide off fast' kinda girl (at least most of the time).  Although, just because I rip the band aide off quickly doesn't mean I want to talk about it afterwards.  Though there are times when something needs to be said and I guess this is one of those times.  And by said I mean write.  Written words are so much easier than those we say.  So I'll say write as much as I can stand and then I'll swallow the sickness feeling in my throat & stomach and clam back up. 

Will and I broke up yesterday morning.  Yep, Happy Easter to me! 

If I'm honest I'd have to admit it was a long time coming.  In keeping with being honest knowing & admitting that didn't make it hurt any less.  It still hurt(s) like a bastard.  I wanted it to work so badly but wishing & wanting doesn't make things work or fit together when they just don't work or fit together.  I still have a hard time understanding why two people who love each other can't make something work.  No matter how many times I see two people who love each other fall apart, I still don't get it.

Maybe that in itself is part of the reason I am 33 and essentially starting my life over again.  And I'm pretty sure it'll be a life of being the crazy cat woman but that's another story.

No matter how much I know breaking up was the best for the both of us I am still...
mad
sad
confused
hurt
and sick over it
If you can think of any other word that would fit right in up there, you can add it too.  I just can't think of any more at this moment.

I logged onto the computer this morning and one of the first things I did was change my Facebook status to SINGLE.  Such a simple word can be so ugly sometimes.  Why it mattered I don't know but it did.  

Just like taking the 'Kerri hearts Will' decal off the living room wall mattered before I left the house yesterday. 

Or taking down/removing the photo's of us that I'd see each time I'd walk into a room. 

I think these things mattered because they would just sit there and mock me otherwise.  I don't know how to explain it otherwise.  They were like a big bright & shiny neon middle finger saying *F*U* to all my hopes, dreams and feelings.

We still have things to discuss regarding the apartment (and Remington??) & the removal of his things so the upheaval will continue for a while. 

I'm trying to not think of the other relationships that will change because of this break up.  The thought just adds to all the feelings listed above.  No matter anyones intentions my relationship with them WILL change.  One way or another.  Just for the simple fact that Will and I are no longer together, no longer spending our time together, that changes the dynamic of any other relationship I had because of him.  

It's too much to continue to think about right now.  It's probably more than I planned on saying but purging will do that.  I'm not going to sensor myself because in doing so will bottle all this up more, which is just an emotional time bomb waiting to go off.