TMI

Some of you might be wondering why after all the light "fluffy" not that personal entries I've started sharing more personal information.  Maybe far too much personal information. Well, there was once a time when TMI was how I blogged. Mostly because I didn't know better and only a few of my friends had access.  I was public but no one can find what they don't know to look for, at least that was my way of thinking.  I loved blogging, I loved my LiveJournal.  I was happy, I felt cleansed after posting an entry.  I had my own little niche in the world wide web.  

At least, until some crazy person ruined it for me.  My "personal" entries were copy & pasted to sites that were not mine then ridiculed & trashed.  I was harassed on my blog and on my MySpace.  After blocking this person from all my profiles I was still harassed by emails and even through my work website.  My friends were harassed by this person, as well as my boss.  

This person even went as far as to hack into my now private LJ, as well as my email accounts (I had a few at this point trying to insure I was safe from this person).   They took any post I had vented about them and again publicly posted them to their blog & MS.  I cannot tell you the feelings I went through when I found out.  It was a little akin to the feelings I had when I found out my (ex)husband was cheating on me.  That's not being dramatic, the feeling of betrayal was that strong.  

Needless to say I was a bit gun shy after all that.  I couldn't blog, I was afraid to post anything on my MS, even though I was what I referred to as "radio silent".  Every possible account I had on the Internet was private, blocked and only my closest friends knew about them or had access.  It took me a while to start sharing again.  I was more choosy on what I shared, more picky on who I friended, and I stopped feeling guilty if I didn't friend someone I didn't really know anymore.  I stopped feeling bad for unfriending people who showcased crazy tendencies.  Anyone connected to the person who was in all fact cyber stalking me was deleted and blocked. 

It's amazing what a person can do over the Internet to someone else and get away with it, or with just a slap on the wrist.  Proving your being stalked on the Internet is hard to prove and even harder to have stopped.  Experts suggest that you remove yourself from the Internet completely.  I seriously thought about it but it just felt like I was letting the crazy person win.  So I stayed online privately.

I've had my blogger account for a while.  I then started using it for promoting Gavin Degraw since I had joined his web team (I know I'm a huge geek).  Then when I felt like it I shared more then just stuff about Gavin Degraw.  I had people wanting to know about my life and wanted to read my blog.  I wasn't comfortable giving them access to my LJ so I pointed them to my blogger.  I felt safe because I cannot be searched because I do not allow blogger to include me in search engines.  Plus, you can't go to blogger and search anyone. 

That really worked for me for a while but then I started having trouble blogging.  I couldn't do it privately on LJ.  I couldn't do it on here.  I was blocked.  Then I found the 30 Days Of ideas and started doing them.  It helped get back into the swing of daily blogging.  It helped open me up to sharing a little.  The more I blogged the more I reached out into the blogging world. 

Reaching out into the blogging world means I comment on other peoples blogs.  That links right back here so I'm already inching out there.  You can search my user name now and find me by my comments on some accounts.  I could stop commenting but I don't want to.  So if I'm out there already, why continue to pretend I'm not, you know.

There are a lot of crazy people out there but there are a lot of good people out there too.  Not letting the crazy person who ruined my Internet experience still dictate my actions has been something I've struggled with.  It's been a long struggle, one I've dealt with for about 5 years.  That I still think of them irritates me to no end.  That they still give me a moment of anxiety when I hit post pisses me off!  It makes me feel victimized still and that doesn't sit well with me. 

So I decided to stop being afraid.  To stop letting the actions of a very unstable crazy person dictate my actions.  Its been a few years since I've come across them on the Internet and I may be crazy myself but I feel like I can come out of hiding, so to speak.  I'm still going to omit some information but I want to share so I'm going to share.  Stupid or not it's a decision I've made and it's one I'm sticking to. 

Keep your fingers crossed that it was the right decision.